Diving into Determined Discussions

Learning how to listen might seem like it would be a waste of two hours. However, it was important for the leadership institute, which is full of  opinionated speakers... and (gasp) leaders! A lot of this workshop was common sense, yet it was organized and explained to us in a way that clarified and dug deep into why listening is an important strength, and why certain listening skills work well. I have worked on developing my leadership and people skills in the past few years, and the following information pleasantly surprised me, and will help me improve.

I overheard someone say that they spend a lot of time in discussion groups trying to think of interesting comments to give, and therefor never hear what anyone else has to say. I resonated with this, and am eager to change these habits.

Nonverbal listening is something I have worked on through speech and debate and dance; they have made me aware of my body language. Yet, I was caught off guard when my speaking partner called me out for yawning a few times. "I'm sorry, but I'm just distracted because you are yawning" were her words. Yikes. I am often tired because I don't sleep a lot, so yawning is common in the mornings. When I notice my yawns, I try to stifle them, and apologize and explain that I am not bored. In every past situation the other hasn't been offended, so my awareness of the problem has decreased. I am re-aware now that just because I have become used to yawning and know it has nothing to do with the speaker does not mean the speaker automatically knows that. 

We were encouraged secondly to ask open-ended questions and to not try and fix the speaker's problem. For example, if my friend is stressed, she doesn't always want advice on fixing her stress level. Sometimes she is venting to be understood and heard. We also practiced understanding someone with opposite views on really controversial issues. That was not hard. What was hard for me was asking questions to that person with curiosity and understanding as intent, while not revealing my opposite opinions. I failed at that, but at least know now that such a situation could rise, and I will have some skills to navigate it. 

I learned why I say certain things when helping someone. When conversing I will often summarize the speaker's words: "So you are saying (summary), Did I get that right?" This affirms that I understood what they were saying, but also let's them know I am listening, and care about what they have to say. Or I will say something like, "That sounds really frustrating." In the case of an emotional rant, that can help them pinpoint their feelings, and also let's them know I understand them. 

We ate takeout dining hall food outside with classmates Phoebe and Tyler, friends from Wisconsin. We discussed gender related resources at schools, anti-feminism in schools, classwork, and differences between Wisconsin and California. The most random interesting question that came up was: why aren't roosters used for meat when chickens are? Diana was able to answer: the breast is less appetizing and is smaller, making it less economically beneficial. 

Leadership institute students must create an action plan at their time here at Brown. We will go home, and implement it in our communities. I am excited about what I have brainstormed thus far. I am a stage performer, but have recently become intrigued with film making and want to explore that extension of performing, writing and creating. I find that writing and choreographing is most rewarding in the creation stages, because the makers are really internalizing what they are researching, discussing, and building from. I want to get a small group of students who want to learn,  write, and act, and create a video about a social justice issue. The process will educate us creators, and the video will inform the audience. It could be a documentary, but I am leaning toward short film. This idea still needs much detail and planning. I am worried about having the time to edit, and I am worried about finding people who are willing to put the time and effort into this project. Please let me know in the comments section below if you have any ideas!

Conversation bloomed as this flower did. 

Classmate Ashley bought henna today and was eager to share it with everyone, so a few of us gathered on the lawn after class and discussed our readings while Erin swirled flowers on our hands. I tried to blog while sitting there, but kept getting sucked into the passionate discussion. Oh well, I learned.  

After a few hours of that, I met with Mahi and we walked to the Global Hunger Banquet. About forty students showed up only knowing that the meal was a surprise. We all picked index cards with colored dots. The group with red dots were seated first, with a fully set table, seats arranged facing in toward the table. Green dots (including me) came in next, with only a seat, no table, facing the empty floor. Orange dots entered last, sitting on the floor with no silverware or hand washing. The "rich" were served. The "middle class" and "poor" ate buffet style. 

Dinner for the rich

Dinner for the middle class

Dinner for the poor

It was very representative of how the world worked. 

After eating, we reflected on our feelings and observances, and watched a slideshow on world hunger, and brainstormed ways we could combat it. 

Erin, Cindy and I hung out later with Phoebe and Tyler. After a long discussion about new gender and sexuality terms, we, hungry from the hunger banquet and too late for the dining hall, walked to Thayer Street and bought some food to hold us over until breakfast. 

I returned to my dorm, and Elizabeth and I had  a long discussion about our towns, our schools, our favorite foods, and our education. I was introduced to southern food names and descriptions, and was surprised to hear how football oriented her school is. 

This blog has been long and detailed, partially to compensate for what might already be obvious: no photos. I am really sorry to say that I returned to my dorm tonight without my camera. Elizabeth and I went out and searched for it, but I think I might have forgotten it at the banquet. I am trying to not get presumptuously worried because I know ways of tracking it down if it was left at the banquet. I took some cool photos today and will upload them tomorrow if I find the camera. My I-Phone will suffice in the meantime.